Survivor’s Quote: It was a time when we both wondered what we had done to deserve this. God had answered our prayers by bringing us together, so where was He now? Jeff was able to pray through it more than I could. I wanted to know where God had gone and why He didn’t allow me to get pregnant! (Joy)
We inadvertently think a close walk with God will give us some assurance of getting out of life the major things we hope for: health, a happy marriage, healthy children, and at least the basics in food, water, and shelter. When a major foe enters the picture—like cancer, job loss, or infertility—it doesn’t take long for us to judge our experiences as unjust and unfair.
Because it is unjust. It is unfair. There’s no logical reason why immature, foolish teenagers get pregnant, but a mature, established couple can’t. There’s no fairness behind why millions of women abort their babies, but you can’t carry one to birth. There’s no justice behind the millions of children languishing in orphanages around the world, as well as children’s homes and child welfare systems in our country, but they can’t be matched with all the parents who want to give a child a loving home.
The hardest thing to come to terms with is that God doesn’t operate by our definition of fairness, nor does He dole out blessings only to those who deserve them. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt. 5:45).
We conveniently forget that this God from whom we’re demanding our version of fair play is also the God Who chooses not to condemn us to eternal death. This is the same God Who provided redemption through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is the God Who pardons us when we confess our sin and accept His path of forgiveness and restoration.
But we can’t just say, “Oh, life isn’t fair? Thanks for the information.” We can’t just get on with life even though we acknowledge that truth. The spiritual implications of infertility put deep gouges in our faith. We feel anger toward the God we love. That anger makes us question our faith—is it wrong to be angry at God? Am I doing something that keeps Him from answering me? Why would a God of love let me experience this? We feel God has double-crossed us, even betrayed us by not giving children, especially when we’ve made it perfectly clear we want to raise them to love and honor the Lord. And in the midst of struggling with negotiating the whys, we have to figure out how to maintain our walk with God, or if we even want to. We know we should hang on to God during this trial, but we find ourselves less than anxious to pray and meditate on His Word when all we can think of is that we’re really ticked off with our Creator.
“I don’t understand, God” and “I don’t understand God”
The comma changes the meaning of the sentence, but both statements are common cries in infertility. We don’t understand why God allows these horrible things to happen to us, which leads us to admit that we just don’t understand God like we thought we did.
The intersection between faith and the quest for parenthood is wrought with questions, many of them being “if…then” questions:
If God loves me, then why isn’t He giving us a child?
If I’m a believer, then why isn’t God answering my prayer?
If we’re committed to raising a child in a godly home, then why can’t we have a
child as easily as those Hollywood stars who just live together for years?
If I’m doing my part as a Christian, then why isn’t God doing His part as provider?
What have your questions sounded like? What questions would you add? Jot them in the margin.
These questions fall into the category of “I don’t understand God’s ways.” No kidding. We don’t understand why God gives babies to unmarried movie stars, to child abusers, and to people who won’t give a child a stable, loving home. Just this week in our city, a well-to-do CPA shot his two daughters, ages 6 and 9, in the head, because he wanted to permanently hurt his ex-wife. Why did God allow a man like that to be a parent?
Instead of chasing that rabbit, let’s move to the bigger issue: Why does God let bad things (like infertility) happen to good people (like Christians)? That question naturally takes us to others: Why do so many bad people have rampant fertility? Why does pain afflict those who choose righteousness, who try valiantly to live according to the lifestyle described in God’s Word?
We don’t understand why God doesn’t readily answer the prayers of decent, God-fearing, infertile people. But God never promised us that in our earthly understanding and limitations, we would be able to comprehend His ways. Instead, He says the opposite: “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isaiah 55:8-9, NIV).
Curled from Infertility A Book Written By Cindy Lewis Dake.
James 1:12 “Blessed (happy,to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor’s] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him”.
1 Corinthians 10:13
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
James 1:2 Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
Living a Christian
Trusting God during this period is a herculean task but we must understand that there is hardly a Christian home that has not gone through one trial or the other. Hold on to God! You will be that mother and that father of wonderful, lovely, healthy babies in Jesus name. People will call you mum.